Life With Janaa

I have been pushed for most of my life to look right, act right and live right. Those are not bad things, however, if that is the extent there is a problem.  There has been an overwhelming push lately among many believers that I know to make sure you have an good image.  WHY?  God looks at our hearts and really that's all that matters when we get to the bottom of it. Your image in the context that most use it is nothing more than a lie about yourself so that you look good and do not make anyone around you look bad.  Did you ever hear Christ say this to His disciples or anyone for that matter?  I think not. Ideally, your image is the overflow of your heart.  

I say this not because I totally get this, but because I am learning it.  Through my life I've seen so many people, kids in particular, not understand their loving Creator because Christians condemn them for making mistakes that make them look bad.  I've spent much of my life in fear of making mistakes.  I am in the process of understanding that until my heart is right an image that looks good is nothing more than a lie that will keep me from truly changing. 

Please stop making kids believe that acting (living a lie) like you love Jesus and actually loving Him are completely different things.  Scripture points over and over to the fact that the heart will change our actions.  Interestingly enough, science also proves the same thing. Check out research on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy even the secular world knows that long-term behavioral change is done through changing the mind.  True science and scripture will never contradict each other because the author and creator is the same.  

Image is a nice concept, but is a severely broken concept not based on any scripture unless taken out of context.  Since we know that "context is king"....Let's encourage others to love Christ and be who they are...I think the "image" will take care of itself.

Well, our “new” life has begun.  We sent our little girl off to kindergarten last week.  There is something sad about knowing that once they start, the days at home will tick away with a school calendar. The first day of school was a little sad. I did shed a few tears before we got there. However, it’s so exciting that it’s hard to be too sad.  Janaa loved school, but was a little disappointed that she didn’t learn to read on the first day and that they did not do ANY math. 

It’s the second day that really got me.  It was the day that I dropped her off alone without anyone to help her into the building or to her classroom.  I cried all day long.  It was one of the more horrible days of my life. Still, the thought of it brings a tear to my eye. But! Thankfully, the third day was the charm.  By Thursday it was all good. I have really enjoyed watching her learn and grow even though it’s a little sad knowing she is continually moving away from being a little girl. 

For those who know us personally you know the immense changes we have been through this past summer. Unfortunately it has been difficult to keep up with everyone and at times impossible.  It has been such a blessing as I have run into so many of you who are part of my “family”.  You will never know what your unconditional love has taught me about the love of my Savior. 

We are often asked how we are and what we are doing.  We are good! I cannot lie and say that everything is perfect.  My heart will always love and miss my church family.  There are days when I just feel like crying. BUT! My God has supplied all my needs above what I could think or ask. We are in a new church and we are being fed straight from Scripture.  We have grown in ways we didn’t know possible. It has been a true time of rest and renewal.  We have decided to not make a decision on a church for at least a year.  We are not officially looking. We want to be renewed and have time for us to collect ourselves so that we can make the wisest choice for our family. 

I have been reminded that it is Christ that I need. When all else has been pulled from under me – Christ remains!  There is nothing that I can do to make myself more acceptable in His sight.  What a concept…I can’t do more in the church, wear clothes that appease everyone, listen to music that is offensive to no one….None of these things make me more acceptable to Christ.  I am His child! Just as I do not love Janaa more or less based on her behavior, our standing with Christ is not based on our behavior, but on His sacrifice on the cross and His work within our lives.  Scripture teaches that Christ in me is the hope of glory!  I no longer have to live in fear of making mistakes.  I am learning that my service is an act of my love.  The last 3 months have been some of the most difficult in my life, but what I have learned about who Christ is could not be traded for a pain-free life.

The Lord give and takes away….Blessed be the Name of the Lord!

While July was to be a relaxing month for us, it hasn't turned out to be quite that. It has been fun though.  We haven't traveled too much, just to Virginia to see my brother's family and Mommy Rachel and Marc.  However, we have been doing a lot of things

Just this past week Janaa rode a train, went to a ball game, went ice skating and has attended VBS.   

 We didn't start off well seeing as the train ride started late then it only went 5 mph and was a very short ride that took 30 minutes.  Janaa enjoyed the train station after I made her walk around and look at it.  By the time we got down to the roundhosue she really enjoyed it. She was able to climb into the trains and walk around.

We went to the Greensboro Grasshoppers game on Friday night.  If you ask Janaa she will tell you that she didn't like the game so much. However, Greensboro was thoughtful when they built their stadium...it has a playground. Janaa loved the playground.  She also loved the cotton candy and fireworks so I think we'll be able to convince her to go again.

Janaa's favorite event of the week...Ice Skating!  Brent has promised to take her since we were in Thailand.  Finally on Saturday he took her on their first Daddy/Daughter Date.  They both had so much fun.  I loved hearing about it.  The photos are not very good. I had asked Brent to be sure to take the camera and he did. He just forgot to check on the memory card. Thankfully, cell phones are capable of helping record a bit.

What a great weekend!  I'm so glad we live in a free country.  Even though there are some real idiots in Washington and in leadership, we are still a very blessed nation.  There are times when I wonder how much longer a nation can survive and thrive under people who are more concerned about their personal pockets and power than "public service".   I firmly believe we will be like Rome and fall from within.  I pray for the leadership of our nation that they would see their limited power and understand their need for infinite power through Christ.  With that said, I felt blessed to be sitting on a lawn watching fireworks with my family.

Janaa hasn't liked fireworks in the past.  She hates loud things so last year we skipped them.  This year we headed out to Tanglewood with the whole family from Mawmaw to Drew.  We all had so much fun. We cooked out on the lawn (some would call it tailgating) and enjoyed hanging out together waiting for it to get dark enough for fireworks.

Wow! Today marks the first week that Janaa and I have spent the entire week at home since April...Or, at least that's the best I can figure. We have not stopped the past few months.  Janaa's best friend Emma was able to get her visa and was here with us for a week with her mom and my friend.  What a blessing. Thanks for praying with us about her visa. 

Last week "Mommy" Rachel married the man of her dreams and Janaa attended her first wedding  (Rachel took her to one when she was a few months old, but she was too little to remember.), and was in her first wedding.  The ladies in white were so beautiful.  I have never been to a wedding where there was true worship in the way that we did that day.  There were so many answered prays represented there, from each of Rachel's children being in homes to Rachel being with an awesome man.  When I would mention it being Rachel's day she would quickly remind me that it was "Marc" and Rachel's day.  We all really like Marc. He and Brent hit if off from the start, and has continued to become a dear friend along side his bride.

Janaa did so well!  She was absolutely adorable.  The only part she didn't like was the heat and the uncomfortable dress in the heat.  We convinced her to make it to the reception.  We knew once she started dancing she'd forget all about being tired, sweaty and itchy in her dress.  Sure enough, she danced from start to finish and loved every moment.  Hopefully, she'll learn to dance like her daddy and not like her mommie. 

I'll post some photos from the time Emma was here and from the wedding.

It was just in the past couple of days that I realized that there are only 6 more weeks before my little girl starts school.  As I was looking at photos and I realized again that the last year has past so quickly.  I feel as if she came home just in time to head off to school.  It's a harsh reminder of what we missed.  Brent and I sat and looked through her baby photos a few days ago with an unspoken sense of loss between us.  It seems as if she grows 6 months each night.  In contrast, as we look through the photos it's still hard to believe that it's real.  That she is really ours and that she's really home.  It's still a new thing to us in many ways. Often I'm overwhelmed that God would allow us as broken as we are to raise such an amazing little girl.

As the days of summer draw to a close and the first day of school sprints ahead, my heart is filled with excitement and sadness equally balanced.  Janaa will do well, but I'm going to make the most of the days that I can sit in the pool reading her "big girl" chapter books...This week Cori ten Boom.